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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A little nervous today

So, its after the Christmas/New Year break and I'm back to the grind. Ohhh how I wished that I would lose about 20lbs by now. I'm going in to see the dietian today and i'm a bit nervous about it. She asked me to write down everything I ate in the last two weeks since I saw her last. Well, that didn't happen. With all the hussle and bussle of the holidays I never kept track. Even if I tried the amount of food consumed in the last two weeks was absolutely ridiculous. There were attempts not to over eat but I found myself eating mostly at home because of boredom. With all the baking and cooking I did there was no way I would have lost those 20lbs I promised myself I would lose. I didn't even go to the gym!! Which made me feel slugish and made me stay at home and eat even more.... what a vicious cycle.

On the other hand, my sister Lucy also signed up for the gym and she's usually a great motivator.
I'm going to call her as soon as I'm done writing this blog. I spoke to my internet friend of over 10 years on the weekend. He's going through with the same procedure and he's also had the gastric band done about 6 years ago but wasn't that successful. I opened up to my cousin Dora in Cyprus as well- she's a bit nervous for me but she's been struggling with her weight since she was little as well. If anyone gets me its her. She had the gastric band done but was unsuccessful as it left her with infections and more problems than what she started with.

Its the beginning of the New Year and of course my new years resolution (as it is every year) is to lose weight. This is year - its going to happen!! This is my year and I'm going to take it by the horns and run with it.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

To be? Or not to be?

So my day yesterday started off pretty good. I went and saw the dietian and regretably handed my 2 week log of my eating habits. I felt so guilty as if I let her down and myself but at the same time I was somewhat proud of being open and honest. Even though I've wanted this surgery so badly, I don't think I could lie about my progress just to get it. These professionals know what they're talking about and they seem to understand the situations we face are difficult when it comes to food. Katie went over the log and said I didn't do so bad. She was happy I signed up for the gym which made me happy too. I went in her office this morning thinking I was just going to hear it from her but actually I was surprised.  I felt that I had really gone astray with my eating habits but she was very encouraging. She told me to keep up the good work.

Good work? What good work? I couldn't quite understand what she meant until we went through the log together. She pointed out the fact that most of my downfalls were in social gatherings. This was the reason to log the things I ate. Also, I was able to point out that when I was home alone and bored I was snacking a lot throughout the day.

Katie then asked if I could think of ideas around getting through social gatherings. I told her eating before wouldn't help as most of the time I do because i'm worried I wouldn't be satisfied enough with the portion of food they serve. So that wasn't going to work. Then I came up with a brilliant idea. I spoke with my girlfriends last weekend about my surgery. Some are supportive, others confused but for the most part they seem to be on board with the whole idea. Anyhow, my idea was that if we were going out they would do the ordering for me. I wouldn't even look at the menu to be tempted. They will make healthy decisions for me. Katie agreed it was a good idea. I left the meeting feeling pretty good about myself.

Prior to returning to work I headed to the hospital cafeteria. Mmmmm the smells, the choices I started to think of what I was going to have. I saw muffins, bagels, eggs, and then I saw a fruit cup. I was feeling so good about everything I purchased the fruit cup and ate it. I rushed to work and ended up getting into a confrontation which had my blood pressure up and I became completely stressed out.

So what did I do next? I headed to the McDonalds drive thru and scarfed down a big mac and fries. Oh yes that felt better. Or did it? I started to feel guilty again. Here we go! Everytime I try to be good something happens and I reach for food for comfort.

After work I headed to the gym. That morning I put my gym bag in my car so I had no excuse to go home. I worked out on the treadmill for 30mins doing inclines of 4.5 and speeds of 3.6mph and then slowing down. I was sweating and feeling good. By the time I got home I was starving. I ended up making a giant bowl of my favourite bean salad, had some crackers and a bit of popcorn. I hit the shower and watched tv. I felt so good and relaxed. I didn't even stress about the confrontation at work. I think if I didn't hit the gym I would have been so stressed out about things I would have eaten more and not slept at all. 

This morning I got on the scale and woo hoo I was down 5 pounds! That felt so good!!! It made me make smart choices all day long =)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Am I really ready for this?

So, last week I saw the dietian. We discussed my eating habits and of course.... it wasn't good. She suggested I start eating what I'll only be allowed after the surgery and on the regular diet. Of course I agreed and told her i'm completely ready for this. I told her my mind was made up and I can definetly do this... well I quit smoking to do the surgery why couldn't I control my eating habit? She also requested that I log everything I eat.

The first day of my so called "diet" went like this:
Breakfast: No breakfast just a quick coffee.
Lunch: Pepper Shrimp with Vegetable fried rice (deep fried battered shirmp for those of you that don't know)
Dinner: Went to see a Leaf game with a friend so we grabbed a bite to eat --- buffalo chicken strip wrap with french fries and two iced teas.
I felt completely guilty

On Friday I felt pumped up in the morning and said "no way forget it... I gotta do this!"
Breakfast: Another quick coffee
Lunch: Chicken Shwarma wrap with a Vitamin water
*so far so good*
Dinner: Friday nights are Girls night and all my girlfriends hang out and I was hosting this night:
I made and ate not one, not two, not three, or four probably 5-6 servings of:
Garlic infused bread with a melted cheese brie that had jam and nuts and jalapeno peppers
battered shrimp, chicken fingers, pizza pockets, wings, crackers, cheeses and sliced meats - i did go healthy by including turkey however I didn't eat it. Oh and even though I said I would never touch pop again... I secretly had a glass of coke (which made me feel completely guilty)
By the way, I did go to the bakery that day to pick up the bread and managed to munch on 2 croissants and a handful of cookies I ended up giving the rest of the bag to my nephew.

Saturday... Ugh Saturday... I had the leftovers from last night because I didn't toss them into the garbage.
So for breakfast it was the chicken fingers and shrimp along with the plum sauce... lets not forget the sauce!
Lunch was two sandwiches toasted with cheese and salami and some lettuce (got my vegetable in there)
Dinner: the rest of the crackers with the cheese ball. I sat in front of the tv eating away (unintentionally)

Now by Sunday I felt guilty.... oh boy did I ever. I was trying to think of a plan of how I was going to write this all up to present to the dietian in two weeks because of course I didn't have such a great start. The wheels in my head began to turn...and my devlish conscious was saying "make it up girl" but the good in me kept saying "be honest! you're only cheating yourself" hence me writing this blog and confessing my sins :(

I really don't remember what I had on Sunday :-s I forgot to write it down.
But Monday went like this: Big bowl of apple jacks cereal with milk for lunch, bean salad with bruschetta for dinner and because I baked cookies and desserts for work's pot luck I had about 2-3 cookies and a piece of carrot cake for taste.

Today I feel that I did ok. Its not exactly what I would want to have eaten but "c'est la vie".
Breakfast was coffee again and then a hot chocolate
Lunch consisted of 2 slices of pizza, some small potatoes, a piece of chicken, 7 olives, 2 gherkins, 1 frutopia, a spoonful of rice and 2 samosas. Even though I could have eaten more and there was plenty more food I stopped myself. I give myself a pat on the back for that one. Plus I feel uncomfortable going up for food like that infront of coworkers cause I'm always worried about what they will say or think.

At dinner, I went over to my parents and had a couple of scoops of rice and lots of bean salad from the night before. I make this great salad with parsley, onions and mixed beans with oil and vinegar and some salt to taste. I also had 1 1/2 baked potatoes and a piece of cypriot cheese called halloumi.
Again, even though this is not ideally what I would eat on a "diet", I don't feel as guilty because I know it could have been a lot worse. Another thing that made me happy was I finally joined the gym!! Yay!!
My sister Ang joined with me and I'm hoping her and I can create a schedule to go. The goal is to lose about 60lbs before her wedding in July. The gym is an all women's gym and is right in loblaws. How convenient!! I bought my healthy lunch for tomorrow already and made her one too!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

How it happened

Hi, my name is Dora but my friends call me Dee. I was born in July of 1982 to my loving parents Charlie and Popi. At birth I weighed in over 10lbs... and this is my weight gain story.
I was always a big kid for my age but very active. I remember my family members telling my parents oh don't worry she's a kid she'll grow out of being fat. Ya right!
I have four other sisters and I fit right in the middle. Most of my family is overweight or has weight issues, diabetes, and cholesterol and heart conditions. My parents come from a small island in the Middle East called Cyprus. We speak a dialect of Greek with a mix of Arabic words as well. We're right in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea. My parents immigrated to Canada when they were young, met here in Toronto, got married and started a big FAT Greek family.
Growing up I was always the big kid in class. Always being picked on, laughed at and teased no matter how much I tried to fit in. Throughout my elementary school days I slowly gained more and more weight. I remember in grade 3 my teacher Ms. Lee put us all on the scale and I actually weighed more than she did. Ugh! I remember the kids laughing, whispering in each other’s ears and staring at me. I’ll never forget that... I guess this is the reason why scales haunt me.
In Junior high school I kept active with involving myself in volleyball, baseball, basketball and track and field (well shot put).  Still I kept on getting teased. Even though looking back now I would kill to be that weight and be completely satisfied... I was never accepted.
In high school life sucked! I hated high school with a passion and managed to successfully fast forward through it by taking additional classes on the weekends and in the summer.  The first few years though I joined basketball, volleyball and baseball teams and was pretty good at it... that was until the comments of me shaking the ground when I ran... I remember a kid yelling out “EARTHQUAKE!!”  and everyone laughing.
I think that this is what turned me off of sports and I was embarrassed by even attempting to play.  The weight started to climb higher and higher so I decided to join the gym.  Well this is where the yo-yo dieting starts.  Jenny Craig, Weight watchers, doctor after doctor, weight loss pills and the list goes on.
After high school I went straight to work.  I picked up smoking, and the weight just increased more and more. I met my ex husband Dan, got comfortable with him and looking back now I think I just let myself go.  I found myself eating more and more and running to food when I was depressed, anxious or just plain bored. My ex and I separated in 2008 after almost 3 years of marriage. My weight increased as I fell into a deep depression. I suffered from depression on my own and really didn’t tell anyone about it. My weight kept heading up and up and sometimes I had the motivation to do something about it. When I would do something about my weight I’d be very successful until I hit a plateau and would get so upset about it I would start my habits again. Then I would start gaining everything I had lost and then some.  So here I am now at my wits end.... the chapter to an old life I knew so well is coming to an end and I can’t wait to start on my life’s new chapter.

The First Post

Hey Everyone!!!

My name is Dee and I'm a patient for gastric bypass surgery at Toronto Western Hospital. I've been researching sites and looking for people who are in the same perdicament as me. Someone to reach out to, ask questions, or even share stories about our experiences, our goals and for those who have already had the surgery ... our results! I'd also like to think of this blog as my online diary. I'd like to write about my experiences i've had thus far and have the people who have a better understanding of what its like to be obese discuss it.... sort of an online support group?